MASTER SHORTIE 2.0

OI THEO .

YES .



NO .

'PEAK' .

This Is PEAK :

Unless YOU Are That LITTLE BLACK DOT At The Top Of This Mountain

Then Feel Free To PEAK PEAK PEAK All You Like . . .

If Your NOT However, Please SHUT THE FUCK UP .

DAISY DARES YOU .

RAGS THIS IS A TUNE

Scarlett Stop Hating On Your Sister .

ON REFLECTION .

If Anyone Was To 'Finger My Feelings' Right About Now, It Would Probably Sound A Bit Like This :

http://buttons-as-you-are.blogspot.com/2010/02/trending-topic.html

Follow Her Pon Di Twits HERE : @FullOfDreamsxo
Read More 'Mazin Blogs HERE : http://buttons-as-you-are.blogspot.com/

AND THE KILLER IS . . .

Hasn't Eastenders Violated Her Character Enough ?!
KMFT .

WHO DUPPIED ARCHIE ?!

The Big 'Who Dunnit' Is Finally Revealed Tonight LIVE ; Hopefully Roxy's Nipple Slips Out Of Her Top Or Someone Falls Over .

MY BETS As To Who Killed CHI CHI Are On :

ZAINAB MASOOD :

- Pregnant

- Her Son Is Secretly Gay

- Her Husband's A Postman

- Tamwar Will Never Get A Girfriend

BLAME ARCHIE .

SEAN SLATER :
- SEXY
- SEXY
- GRR

HE'S TOO BUFF TO BE A MURDERER .

BEN MITCHELL :

- Aged 13

- Blatently Loves Di Cocky

- Tap Dances

- Plays Dress Up With 'Aunty Roxy'

- Archie Parred His Gran

MURDERER !!!!!

With A Little Help From :

Tracey The Barmaid :

I Trust No Woman That Has Been In Eastenders For Time, Works In A Pub Being Paid Minimum Wage And Has Only Had 3 Lines In Her Whole Entire Exsistance !

I Don't Blame Her, I'd Kill Someone Too .

RIHANNA 2.0

If This Is Rihanna's Idea Of A Caribbean Sex Tape, She Has Got It OH SO WRONG .

KID BRITISH 2.0

Some Afternoon Mancunian Charm From My Favourite Indie Boys ;

KiD BRiTiSH :

'What a life it would be.. if you would come to mine for tea.. I'll pick you up at half past 3.. we'll have lasagne!!!!'

Follow The Boys Here : http://twitter.com/kidbritishmusic

Official KiD BRiTiSH Tings HERE : http://www.iamkidbritish.com/

And Watch Simeon HERE : http://www.youtube.com/user/KiDBRiTiSHMUSiC

Marry Me .

NEXT TING .

JUSTIN BIEBER .

Basically BABY JESUS .

- How Does One 15-Year-Old-Boy Have More Than Half The Population Of Teenage Girls On A Next Hype .
- How Is ONE Boy Singing ONE Chris Brown Song And Getting Over 14 Million Views On Youtube ?!
- He Doesn't Even Have A Beard Or Pubes, HIS VOICE HASN'T EVEN BROKEN YET !!!!
- He's Signed To Usher's Label ;
- He's The King Of Twitter Trending Topics
- His Success Actually Makes Me Sick
- This Guy Looks Like Any Peter Beale From Eastenders :


Bieber Is Fully On This World Domination Ting :

ORITSE WILLIAMS .

Can We Show This Guy The Same Amount Of Love As We Do :


PLEASE .

I Know It's Hard When He Gets Caught Slippin' In Pictures Like That, But He Is SEXY ;

LOOK :

BUFF AGAIN .

Hol' Tight Photoshop ;

#TEAMORITSE

Support My Twin Brother From Anutha Womb ;

Now Go Listen To This JLS Gem :

The Girating/Hip Action ;

OH MY JIZZ .

DEAR CUPID . . .

We Need To Talk About Your Aim .

Now I Put It Down To The Fact That YES You Are A Man, And YES You Have A Willy .
Willy's Are Incapable Of Pissing Straight, So I Don't Know Why I'm The Least Suprised ; Mr . Cupid, Your 'Arrows Of Love' Seem To Be Getting Lodged In The Derrière's Of Numerous Wastemen .

I'm Not Happy Cupid, Not Happy AT ALL .


TBC .

SHANK .

Directed By MO ALI ;

OH MY JIZZ !!!

Starring :

Ashley 'Bashy' Thomas, Adam Deacon, Kaya Scodelario, Michael Soca, Jan Uddin And Introducing Kedar Williams-Stirling ;

With Cameos From :

Eddie Kadi, Tempa T, Newham Generals And Aml Ameen ;

I Can Only Describe The Film As KiDULTHOOD Meets :

Except Everyone's Ghetto And NO ONE Has Dreadlocks .

The Film Comes With ONE OF THE BEST British Theme Songs For A Movie EVER, Courtesy Of Ashley 'Bashy' Thomas And Loick Essien ;

'When The Sky Falls'

SHANK .

Out March 26th ;

Go See It LEGALLY, None Of This 'DBD' Ting Beat Up Mr . Wong For Piracy .

Support British Cinema .

IRONIK .

I Dislike You .

The Fact You Spell Ironic As 'Ironik' Makes Me Dislike You Even Further .
What Is The Point In Your Existence ?!
What Do You Do Apart From Speed Up Songs In That Annoying Chipmunk Voice ?!
Why Do You Wear Sunglasses ALL The Time ?!
Why Do You ONLY Date 'Glamour Models' ?!
Why Would Glamour Models Date YOU ?!
Your What I Call An 'Urban Chav' .
Why In Your Right Mind Would You Put Any Girl From Shipwrecked In Your Music Video ?!
You Can't MC/RAP ; STOP IT .
You Wear Shit Loads Of Foundation, I Know This ;

Quote Me .

However, I Do Like This :

Minus Your Voice Fucking Up The Beat .

WAIT .

PAUSE .

Why The Fuck Does Chipmunk Get A Nandos Black Card ?!

Have You Seen His Head ?!

Why Would You Feed That Boulder FREE CHICKEN ?!
That Is One More F64 Bar This Banana Faced Boy Can Spit About ;

And For This Reason :

NANDOS Can Go Suck On My Peri Peri .

K-M-T

TO SAVE THE CHIRPSIN' . . .

You Can Find My Face In THREE PLACES :

Facebook : Naomi 'Nayanca Sass' Cayol
Twitter : @NayCay
(Weirdos/Stalkers/The Emotionally Unstable Need NOT Apply)

OR HERE AT : www.naycaythespaceinvader.blogspot.com
Comment, Stalk, Hurl Abuse Here ALL You Like

Don't Stop Me On Road Asking For My BB Pin, Phone Number Or Any Digit I'm Remotely Connected To .
Chances Are You'll Get This Pin : 123FUCKOFFWAST3MAN
And This Phone Number : 079-Your-Mum


Capiche .

MARVELL .

You Man GO HERE :
http://marvellmusic.co.uk/
And I Beg You Download 'MARVELL FM 3' NOW : http://www.filefront.com/15483311/Marvell-FM-3-Mixtape.zip/

A MOMENT .

* SIGH

TO MY VALENTINE .

THAT IS ALL .

TINIE TEMPAH .

THE TUNE OF THE MOMENT :

If You Don't Know About This Tune Pass Out And STAY DOWN !

Oi You Man GO HERE :
http://www.tinietempah.com/

FOLLOW TINIE HERE :
http://twitter.com/TinieTempah

VISIT HIS OFFICIAL MYSPACE HERE :
www.myspace.com/tinietempah

MARCH 1st 'PASS OUT'
Pre Order 'Pass Out' HERE :
http://bit.ly/b7j0JW




Go Cop Dat, Support UK Music .

JANIS IAN .

Oi Regina George . . .

SUCK ON THAT !!!!!

JUSTIN BIEBER .

Canada's NUMBER ONE Celebrity

Is It Wrong That I Want To Have Babies With Him ?!
Is It Wrong That I Want To Lips Him In Several Different Places ?!
Is It Wrong That I Want To Stroke His Fringe ?!

Is It Wrong That I Maybe In Love With A 15 Year Old ?!

#NOPAEDO

20 .

Officially 20 ;

This Is Where Life Actually Begins .

Being Newly Dubbed 2-0 :

- I'm No Longer A Teenager So If I See Anymore 'Teenage Spots' I'm Actually Gonna Switch .

- If I Can't Hack Period Pain By Now I'm NOT Worthy Of Giving Birth EVER .

- I'll NEVER EVER Be Too Old To Tell Mumzy I Love Her .

- If You Still Get ID'd For Cigarettes Or Alcohol #ShankYourself Or :

'Show Him The Titties'

Giles, AdULTHOOD .

- Watching SKINS Will Be A 'Been There, Done That' Memo .

- I'll Automatically Judge Stoosh School Girls That Board The Back Of The Bus ;

- Getting A Simple 9-5 Job Won't Be Enough ;

I've Been Alive TWO DECADES ! What Have Exactly Have I Been Doing With My Life ?!

- I Won't Be Following The 'Baby Boom' Trend Like Every Sally, Lisa And Charlotte, My Womb And Vajayjay Is Staying In Tact And 'Mangled Free' For A VERY Long Time To Come .

- Boys That Holla At My Face Wearing Air Max 90s Are Not Worth 'Bringing Home To Mum' .

I'll Accept UGGS ;

SHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTAP Don't Judge Me .

- Vodka Is Merely Tap Water Now .

Bottoms Up !

#NoHomo

Here's To Being TWENTY !

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY !

I'm STILL Waiting For My Drink Trey .

PRE BIRTHDAY HAWTNESS .

REGGIE BUSH IN THE TUSH .

Yes Please ;

ONE STEP CLOSER TO HEAVEN . . .

Well Almost ;

Plus He Kind-Of-Though-Not-Actually-Nor-Indirectly Say My Name BUT He Did Without-A-Doubt-Positively-Almost-Certainly Say 'BYEEEE' To Me ;

I DIED .

GUESS WHO I MET LAST NIGHT ?!

BEST NIGHT EVER !

I Heard Through The Grapevine Jay Has A New Band 'Perspex Boxes' With His Bredrin Johnny Who I Also Met Last Night And Plan On Happily Having His Babies That Will Grow Up To Be Just Like Their Hip Cool Daddy And Dance In Unison With Their Little Band :

'Slagamuffins'

#WinkWinkNudgeNudgePrivateJoke .

CHECK OUT SOME PAST PERFORMANCES FROM THE GUYS AND SHOW SOME LOVAGE AND TING :

YOU MAN GO HERE : http://www.myspace.com/perspexboxes

AND HERE : http://www.youtube.com/user/PerspeXBoXes

For More Buffness In It's Boyband Form .

PIXIE LOTT 3.0

Oi Vote Pixie For 'Best British Female Solo Artist', 'Best British Breakthrough Act' And 'Best British Single' At The 2010 Brit Awards So She'll Buy Me NANDOS ; SAAAAAAFE !

http://www.brits.co.uk/voting

Vote Pixie .

THE ONLY THING . . .

That Is Getting Me Through Today Is Imagining This Man NAKED .

DEAR MR . PERFECTION PART 2 . . .

Dear Mr . Perfection,
Every Girls Dream Is To 'Fall In Love And Live Happily Ever After' ; And Just Maybe I'll Be One Of The Lucky Ones And Get That Fairytale Romance Where I'm Either The Helpless Tramp (See Cinderella) Or The Innocent Hoe (See Snow White) ; Either Way, I'll Spend Endless Hours Looking Out Of My Window Watching The World Go By Whilst Waiting For You Mr . P To Sweep Me Off My Feet And Treat Me Like A Princess For All Eternity .
Or Maybe With Any Luck I'll Get One Of Those Clichéd 'It's-Definitely-Gonna-Happen' Hollywood Romances Where We Accidently Bump Into Each Other On A Busy New York Street Holding Cups Of Coffee And Spill It On One Another Aimlessly ; In Reality This Is London So I'll Settle With You Pouring Pinapple KA All Down My Bossoms .
Anyway As It Goes, We Say Our Sorries And 'Allow It Fam My Shirt Is Ruined, I'm Gonna Be Late For My Appointment At The Job Center Now .' I Say 'I'll Buy You A New Shirt From Primark' And You Reply 'Nah, It's Alright Babes You Can Take Man Nandos Instead' .

AND THE REST IS HISTORY .

It's Inevitable Really, NANDOS Is Like An Afrodisiac They Don't Sell 'Extra Hot Peri Peri Sauce' For Nothing . Bearing In Mind Mr . P Whilst Your There 24/7, 365 With Your Other Fancy Woman Mrs . XBOX, I Will Be Spending My Time With MY FANCY MAN 'Peri' ; The Only Man That Will EVER Fully Satisfy Me .
(There's Also His Dishy Friend Spicy Rice, But It's NOT That Time For Foursomes, I DON'T SHARE FOOD)

If Your Confused Mr . P All I'm Basically Asking Is That You Can Provide My Life With A Happy Begining, Middle And End ;

AND NANDOS .

TBC . . .

DEAR MR . PERFECTION PART 1 . . .

'An Open Letter To My Soulmate'

Inspired By @MrQAnimation Follow Him On Twitter He's Lovely And Writes Lovely Blogs Too : http://qthetrainsofthought.wordpress.com/

#WIN

I Thought I'd Take His Advice And Speed Up The Whole Process Of Finding : 'Mr . Right', Get Married, Have A Few Kids, Move To A Farm And Promise To NEVER Go On Jeremy Kyle If Our Relationship Was To Go Lemons .

Call This An SOS If You Like ; I'm Not Desperate But I Do Need A Hug/Booty Call .


Dear Mr . Perfection,
Excuse Me But Where Have YOU Been All My Life ?! I'm Nearly 20, I Discovered ONE Wrinkle And Found ONE Grey Hair The Other Day ; Wifey Is Now Ginger . But You Should Love Me For Me, And I'll Overlook The Fact That You May Not Accept My Ginger Hair At First . . . HAIR DYE BABES .
Now I Don't Mind That Our First Meeting May Actually Be On A Bus Or Train Because For Some Strange Reason I Seem To Be On Some Sort Of Transport When A Guy Comes Up To Me And Says 'You Alright Babes' ;
'Yes Fine And What Are You Doing With Your Life', Mr . P Should You Come Out With 'I'm A MC Slash Producer Slash Grime Scene Saviour' Then Expect My Stoosh Face To Lock On And Be Ready To Experience AIRTIME At It's Highest Level Of Rudeness .
Don't Get Me Wrong I Appreciate A Guy With Ambition And Guy That Wakes Up Before 3pm But Since When Was There Anything Wrong With A 9-5 Job ?!

Music Should Be A Hobby Babes .

I Refuse To Get Up At God Knows What Time On Saturdays And Trek All The Way To Oxford Street And Stand For Hours On End Just So You Can 'Shott Your Mixtape To Mandem Outside Nike Town' It's NOT That Time To Be Playing The 'Supportive Girlfriend' .
I'm Also Willing To Accept That I May Be In A Relationship With ONE OTHER Person Or Thing ; Mrs . XBOX . She Does Something That I Can't ; Entertain Your Face For Hours On End Without Having To Have Sex With You .

BITCH ;

TBC . . .

BLAME IT ON . . .

It Must Be .
I Drink Dr . Pepper Like Pete Doherty Takes To The Crack Pipe ;

EVERYDAY .

I'm Sure If Dr . Pepper Was An Actual Doctor He'd Be A Gynecologist

He Does Funny Things To Me .

To Put Into Perspective As To What I'm On About . . .
Listen To The Following Songs And Clock The Trend .

OR

Blatent Innuendos .

I'm Doin' Like Foxx And Blaming My Filth On A Drink .