LENG ?!

So 2010 Is Fast Approaching . . .

And Alot Of People Are Now Exclaming That 2010 Is There Year .

Wait . . .

PAUSE .

2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 And So Fourth . . .

Were All Your Year .

What Exactly Have You Achieved In Almost A Decade ?!

A Child Or Two ?!

A Few More Linkages ?!

A Court Apperance ?!

A Job Maybe ?!

Please Don't Be A Dickhead And Declare :

'2010 Is My Year To Leng'

Because Chances Are . . .

It Won't Be .

PS . What The Fuck Is Leng ?!

WHY . . .

Do I Find This Remotely Attractive ?!

(For Hours On Google I Typed In 'Sexy Bum')

I Liked This One .

DEAR RUDY . . .

Don't Aww Him . . . .

Listen Here Fam I'm Too Old To Be Calling You 'RUDOLPH'

NO It's NOT Me Being Stoosh I've Know About You For 19 Years Now . . .

'RUDY'

GET ME .

Few Things Really . . .

- If You And Your Bredrins Insist On Jamming Outside My Yard Whilst Nicholas Unloads My Shit . Please Don't Make A Mess Or Break Anything 'Cos Man Will Feel No Way In Kickin' You In Your Horns .

YOU SEE IT .

- Last Year I Bought Sainsbury's 'Taste The Difference' CARROTS . . .

JUST FOR YOU .

Yes You Red Nosed Wasteman . . . YOU .

Do You Know How Expensive Taste The Diffence Carrots Are ?!

Course You Don't .

You Didn't Eat Them . . . WHAT A WASTE .

I Haven't Forgotten .

- Having A Red Nose DOES NOT Make You Gang . It Means You Have Swine Flu YOU NEED To Be Put Down .

- Dasher, Comet, Donner, Blitzen, Dancer, Prancer And Cupid . . . Then There's 'RUDOLPH' .

PAR .

- Don't Get Me Wrong I Like You Rudy, But C'Mon Even You Know Your Slightly Overrated . What The Fuck Do You Actually Do Apart From Jam At The Front Of Nicholas' Air Whip ?!

- 'All Of The Other Reindeer Used To Laugh And Call Him Names . They Never Let Poor Rudolph Join In Any Reindeer Games .'

SKEEN .

Anyway Rudy, I'll Be Leaving Carrots Out AGAIN This Year . . .

Only This Time Straight Happy Shopper BASTARD .

Merry Christmas .

Yours Sincerly,
Naomi Cayol Aged 19 Years And 10 Months .

JUST ONE OF THEM DAYS .

GET ME .

JLS 2.0

SAY NO MORE .

A FEW THINGS REALLY . . .

'Facebook's Next Top Models'

It's Come To My Attention That Everyone Who's Anyone Believes Tyra Banks Types In Bare Random Names Into Facebook On A Regs And Recruits Those She Believes Have The Potential To Pose For Vogue . . .

All From One Single PROFILE PICTURE .

WRONG .

Tyra Banks Is A Prick . . .

YOU However Are A Slut .

I Thought After BEBO The Days Of Getting Ribcages Out In Profile Pictures Were Dead ?!

SADLY NOT .

Girls Are Still Putting On There Best Pout, Wearing There Tightest Top And Sucking There Stomachs In . . .
All To Get A Friend Request From A 'Good Looking Person' They DON'T Know .

DICKHEADS .

***

'I Declare My Love For . . . '

Whilst I'm On A Facebook Hype Might As Well Comment Again On The Percentage Of Girls Who Feel It's Necessary To Write An Essay Of A Status Telling There 48 Friends How . . .

'Amazing Hubby Is'

'He's My Rock Forever And Always'

'Life Is So Perfect'

'If I Didn't Have Him My Life Would Be Over'

. . . Kill Yourself Innit

*Vomits Blood

There's Nothing Wrong With Love It's A Beautiful Thing Cliche . . . ETC . . .

But When You Constantly Boast On How Life Is Perfect, Hubby Is Perfect It Is Actually Time To Get Married, Have Babies, Move To A Farm And Shut The Fuck Up Or . . .

Actually SHUT THE FUCK UP .

Please Note : NOT A Hater, NO I'm Not Bitter . . .

But There Comes A Point Where Your So Called 'Happiness' Jars My Life

***

And Finally . . .

It's My Favourite Time Of The Year !

And I'm STILL Being Sold Mistletoe Left, Right And Centre . . .

Your Spoiling It, You Really Are .

How Many Times Do I Have To Say :

'I Don't Need No Plant Or Bush To Enhance A Lipsin' Ting ?!'

Why Are You Not Getting It ?!

'C'Mon Love £2.50 For A Bunch Tis The Season To Be Jolly And All'

It's Also The Season For Cold Sores And Swine Flu . . .

NO THANKS IT'S NOT THAT TIME .
I Leave You With This . . .

If You Can Sort It I'd Very Much Like This Man And His Friend For Christmas .

Thanks .

STRANGER .

Hello .
Hi .
Wha Gwarn .
What's Good .

Safe .
24 Days Till Christmas Buy Me Something .

Since I've Been Away . . .

1) Someone Commented On The Fact That I Looked Like A 'Right Cunt' But After Getting To Know Me I'm Actually 'Alright .'

SAAAAAAAFE . . . I Think .

2) Some Next Market Trader Tried To Sell Me Half Price Mistletoe ! BLUD . . . How Desperate Do You Think I Look ?! I Don't Need No Plant To Enhance A Lipsin' Ting . . . GET ME .

3) I've Learnt La Senza Is THE BEST PLACE EVER For Cheap Thrills And A Frisking By A Sales Assistant/'Pervert' That Looks A Bit Like Cheryl Cole .

4) This Weather And It's Fucking Rain Is An Absolute Mockery Of My Life . . . THREE UMBRELLAS Got Merkled Nicely By Hurricane 'Par-Your-Hair-After-You've-Just-Spent-15-Minutes-Doin'-It' And Storm 'Ha-Ha-Frizzy-Lizzie' SHOCKING .

5) I Saw A Graphic Birth On TV And By The Dimension Of The Baby's Head . . . YOU JUST KNOW . The Days Of Wearing Hotpants And Thongs Are OFFICIALLY OVER . (I Don't Want A Baby . . . I'll Stick With My Tamagotchi Thank You Please)
6) Chocolate Cake In A Tin Is By Far The Most Complicated Thing I've EVER Tried To Make .
7) Someone Gave Me 'The Look' Across A Empty Library In Uni . . . I LIKED IT .
8) I Got Short Changed In Sainsbury's But Was Too Shook To Say Anything Because The Woman Had The Name 'Marcia' On Her Name Badge (Obviously A Yardie Woman, I'm Not Looking 'Fi Get Bun' Today) SORRY .
9) I Farted In A Lift With A Choong Looking 'Ashley Cole' . . . He Walked Straight Into It .

10) Spot The Pars In This Summary Of My WEEK .