STRANGER .

Hello .
Hi .
Wha Gwarn .
What's Good .

Safe .
24 Days Till Christmas Buy Me Something .

Since I've Been Away . . .

1) Someone Commented On The Fact That I Looked Like A 'Right Cunt' But After Getting To Know Me I'm Actually 'Alright .'

SAAAAAAAFE . . . I Think .

2) Some Next Market Trader Tried To Sell Me Half Price Mistletoe ! BLUD . . . How Desperate Do You Think I Look ?! I Don't Need No Plant To Enhance A Lipsin' Ting . . . GET ME .

3) I've Learnt La Senza Is THE BEST PLACE EVER For Cheap Thrills And A Frisking By A Sales Assistant/'Pervert' That Looks A Bit Like Cheryl Cole .

4) This Weather And It's Fucking Rain Is An Absolute Mockery Of My Life . . . THREE UMBRELLAS Got Merkled Nicely By Hurricane 'Par-Your-Hair-After-You've-Just-Spent-15-Minutes-Doin'-It' And Storm 'Ha-Ha-Frizzy-Lizzie' SHOCKING .

5) I Saw A Graphic Birth On TV And By The Dimension Of The Baby's Head . . . YOU JUST KNOW . The Days Of Wearing Hotpants And Thongs Are OFFICIALLY OVER . (I Don't Want A Baby . . . I'll Stick With My Tamagotchi Thank You Please)
6) Chocolate Cake In A Tin Is By Far The Most Complicated Thing I've EVER Tried To Make .
7) Someone Gave Me 'The Look' Across A Empty Library In Uni . . . I LIKED IT .
8) I Got Short Changed In Sainsbury's But Was Too Shook To Say Anything Because The Woman Had The Name 'Marcia' On Her Name Badge (Obviously A Yardie Woman, I'm Not Looking 'Fi Get Bun' Today) SORRY .
9) I Farted In A Lift With A Choong Looking 'Ashley Cole' . . . He Walked Straight Into It .

10) Spot The Pars In This Summary Of My WEEK .