PLEASE NOTE . . .

Here At The One Girl Show That Is SPACE INVADER Please Bare With Me Whilst I Find Even More Inspiration To :

PAR MANS LIKE NO OTHER .

But For Now . . .

THAT'S ALL FOLKS .

MILEY CYRUS .

Hannah Frickin' Montana .
I Don't Care If She's 17 She's Had SEX .

I Don't Care If Mickey Legally Has Her Minnie On Lock Until She's 40 .

Hannah Montana Has Had SEX .

Hannah Montana . . .

MILEY CYRUS .

Has HAD SEX .
Don't Believe Me ?!

(She Went 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD)

Watch This .

PETER ANDRE .

(The 90s BLATES Was The Decade For Self Parring)
Besides The Point .

SHAAAAAAAAAAAAATAP !
DO NOT JUDGE ME .
Just Know I've Been Dancing To This Vintage Gem In My Pants And T-Shirt For The Last Hour Or So . . .


Because That's What Wednesday's Are For OBVIOUSLY .

PETER ANDRE DOING THE BOGLE IS PRICELESS .



'If You Wanna Swing Let Me Do My Thing, And Everybody Jam With Me .'
(BAAAAAAAAAAARS !)

CHANNEL AKA ?!

FACEBOOK LINKAGES .

Please Note . . .

Don't Add Me On Facebook (Allow My Life For Accepting)

And Think I'm Automatically A HOE By Doing So .

DO NOT Inbox Me Two Minutes Later :

'wag1 b u kwl?'

I Don't Reply To Your Retardness .

Since When Did MY INBOX Become YOUR Personal Place To MSN Talk ?!

Your Answer To 'wag1 b u kwl?' Is :

Haven't You Seen My Status ?! I'm FAAARKIN' Over The Moon Mate .

Don't Then Inbox Me Another Two Minutes Later Going :

'no replie nah u jus upd8ted ur satus'

SO WHAT'S YOUR POINT ?!

Then Another Two Minutes Later :

'ur frigid nt on it u wer dat nice anway. dleted'

Faux Pas . BOYS Please Do Learn From This Prick That By Going On Some Next Dickhead Flex Because Out Of The Millions Of Girls On Facebook You Chose To INBOX The ONE That Clearly Isn't On It .

DOES NOT Give You Special Permission To Throw Insults Like A BITCH And Be More Of A Wasteman Than You Probably Already Are .

Leave It Alone . Get The Fuck Over It .

How Actually Retarded Are You Though ?!

You Go To My Uni .

You Play For A Sports Team . I Play For A Sports Team .

All Based In The Same Area/Building .

ON THE SAME DAY . AT THE SAME TIME .

The Chances Of Me Bumping Into Are Very Likely .
And When I Do . . .

You Will Get Parred Like NO OTHER .

CHRIS BROWN .

CHRIS BROWN
'I CAN TRANSFORM YA' .
Yeah Whatever . Welcome Back Christopher Back On 'Top Form' .

A Few Things I Need To Clear Up With You Really :

1) Your Ex-Girlfriend Rihanna Is Inciting Suicide About 'Russian Roulette' .

You Clearly Fucked Her Up Good And Proper .

2) Why Wasn't I Called When You Decided To Make A Video About 'Transformers' .
3) Lil' Wayne 'I Can Transform Like Optimus Prime'

NO You Can't . Optimus Prime DID NOT Have Dreds .
4) What Do Ninja's And Nunchucks Have To Do With Transformers ?!

Did You Beat Rihanna With Those ?!
5) I Hate You Because I Actually Like This Song . Don't Like You Much Though .

THERE'S NOTHING SEXIER .

Than This Guy .

And This Season . . .

Autumn .

(Then Roll On Winter Please)

SEXY ALIE ?!

(Allow My Hair Though . Frizz Is NOT Buff)

OH MY LIFE .

Cutting A Long Story Short Before I Actually Go On Some Next Hype .

These . . . RASSCLART Inbreds/Jeremy Kyle Auditionees'

(Not So Much These Fools But Still You Get The Idea)
Tried To Move To Me Like I'm Some Next Prick . . .

'YOUR NOT FROM AROUND HERE ARE YOU .'

1) Eurgh NO Just NO . I'm Suprised You Couldn't Tell .

2) Southampton Should Rename Itself Reebok/Lonsdale ASAP .

3) Don't Talk To Me .

'HAVE YOU GOT A PHONE ?!'

(Of Course I Have A Phone You Prick Blackberry Actually)

I'm Sure You Have A Phone Too Except It's A Nokia And The Backlight Is Green

PAR TO YOUR LIFE .

. . . Yeah I Do .

'GIMME YOUR PHONE !'

'NOW !'

Wait . . . FIVE Of You . ONE Of Me And A Few Asda Bags .

YOU Are Not Serious .

'GIMME YOUR PHONE NOW !'

Collectively These Dickheads Looked Like . . .

(The Inbred Version Obviously)
I'm Sorry But I'm NOT Giving My Phone To Chuckie And Tommy .
What Are You Gonna Do With MY PHONE Once You Get It ?!

PHONE REPTAR ?!

Are You Serious ?!

(I Said This Alot . . . I Didn't Leave London 80 Miles Away To Get Robbed By Some Next Inbred Criminals)

'YEAH, GIMME YOUR PHONE .'

(Don't Think This Prick Had The Cheek . . . Thee AUDACITY TO PAT MY POCKETS)

OH MY LIFE ?! ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB FAM ?!

1) You Don't Touch Me .

2) You Only Touch Me If Your Choong .

3) You Only Touch Me If Your Choong And OVER THE AGE OF 18 .

You Qualify In NONE .

Obviously Being In Southampton And Not In South London Certain South London Ways I Cannot Get Away With Here Especially To LITTLE BOYS Who Looked About 5 .

Had I Been In London . Straight Kick To Your Throat You Bastard .

But In Southampton :

Don't Touch Me Are You Mad ?! Like Are You Being Serious ?!

The Only Reason They Rolled Out Is Because There Bredrin Came Over And Suggested They Go Arcade And Find Someone Else To Rob Because :

'THE BLACK GIRL AIN'T GIVING IN MATE' .

(Thrown In With Some Casual Racism . SAAAFE)

Of Course I'm NOT You Prick Because I'm Gonna Let Any Chav Filth Rob Me .

Oh Yeah, Here's My Phone Take It .

DEAD .

(If I See You About Town Again And I Catch You Slippin' . Just Know Innit)

Just Know .

A WORD FROM NAY .

The Girl They Once Thought Would Never Ever Become Anything .
Has Actually Turned Out To Be Quite The Something .

19 Years Later That Is . . .

'Just Because I Happen To Be Last At Everything Doesn't Mean I Won't Cross The Finish Line FIRST .'

'Hi I'm Naomi, Get To Know Me'

1. I Don't Appreciate Being Underestimated

2 . Early Morning Lectures Are A PAR To My Life Times Infinity

3 . I Have 3 Friends I Trust With My Life

4 . Within The 1st 5 Seconds Of Meeting You I'll Know If I Like You Or Not

5 . I Want Things I Can't Have

6 . Uni Has Taught Me 20 Something Year Olds Are Actual Arrogant Pricks

7 . Put Reggae Sauce On Everything

8 . I've Decided Being 'Nice' Isn't The Way Forward

9 . I Looked Like Corrine Bailey Rae At One Point

10 . I Now Look Like Big Faced People Such As Danyl Johnson And Ortise From JLS

11 . Facebook/Twitter Are My Life

12 . Girls At Uni Wear Shit Loads Of Eyeshadow, Mascara And Eyeliner . I Don't .

13 . Once Got Airtime Because Someone Decided A Furcoat Was More Important

14 . I Write A Blog

15 . I Write Notes On My Blackberry

16 . I Write Notes On My Hands

17 . I Write Notes On My Arms

18 . I Once Wrote A Story On My Leg

19 . My Best Friends From Uni Are ALL BOYS .

20 . My Mum Is My Reason For Doing Everything Good In Life

21 . I Always Give Up When I Get Too Good At Something

22 . They'll Always Be Someone Better Than You . Be Better Than Them .

23 . Khloe Kardashian Contributes To My On/Off ADHD

24 . My Blog Is The Stuff I Can't Say To Anyone Else

25 . Don't Wonder Why I Haven't Blog The Saturdays Yet .

Blog Soon Come .

#DASAPAR 2.0

This Face . . .

Does NOT .

I REPEAT DOES NOT .

Look Like This Face . . .

#DASAPAR

As My Lovely Friend 'LukeUNerd' Said From Twitter :

'This Guy Looks Slightly Like The Coco Pops Monkey. . . '

I Think He May Actually Be Right .

TEMPA T .

I Know .

He Looks Like He'd Spark You Differently If You Boiled His Eggs Wrong .

But There's A Lesson To Be Learnt From This Guy .

Which Is Simply . . .

Man The Fuck Up .

THAT IS ALL .

JOHN AND EDWARD 2.0

I Said I Wasn't .
But Again I Give These Cum Haired Pricks Blogtime .

Why . . . Why ?!

Why Actually Bother .

I'll Sign Off With A Quote Via Mr . Simon Cowell . . .

'If The X-Factor Annonce And The Winner Is John & Edward . . . I'm Leaving The Country'

SIMON WAIT FOR ME AND THE 7.5 MILLION OTHERS .

SHAKIRA .

BASICALLY .

If Your Lucky Enough To Be Called 'Shakira' .

This Makes You Automatically Choong .

I

Envy

YOU .

Being A NAOMI . . .

IS NO FUN .

ATTEMPTS LIKE . . .

'Hey. How you doing? I haven't seen you around at the uni, was kinda hoping we would cross path like an intersection!'

FAIL .

(Don't Ever Inbox Me Stupidness Like That Again)

FAKE DRAKE .

HEATHERS BABY FATHER .

EASTENDERS DISGUST ME .

I Refuse To Believe . . .

HEATHER .

And . . .

DARREN .

(Who's About 12)

Had One Of These . . .

TOGETHER .

If You BOTH Know What's Good For You . . .

You'd Go See This Guy ASAP !

Say No More .

TULISA .

Wha Gwarn Babes ?! You Cool ?!

(Sounds Like She's Getting Chirpsed . Not The Case . No Homo)

Besides The Point .

I'll Be Quick .

Yes It's NO SECRET That Cousin Dino Is A Bit Of Prickus Farellas GET ME .

But I Love You So Your Safe .

I Just Wanted To Highlight The Fact Tulisa Has Officially Brung The Phrase :

'LBD And My Bang Bang Shoes .'

Back Into Ghetto Gyal Vocabulary .

What Exactly Are Bang Bang Shoes Anyway ?!

I Get LBD (Little Black Dress)

Every Girl Should Have One . If You Don't Then Quite Frankly Your A Man

Besides The Point . Anyway . . .

'Bang Bang Shoes'

Are They Like Half Gun/Half Shoe ?! Have They Got Drugs Hidden In The Heel ?!

I Dunno . But Whatever .

2009/2010 Are Officially Set To Be The YEARS Of The 'LBD And Bang Bang Shoes . '

Allow 'Na-Na-Niiiii .'

Using A DAPPY Phrase Automatically Makes You A Prick .

THAT IS ALL .

QUOTES LIKE . . .

'Mate She Would Get It .'

When I Don't Want It .

Are Particularly Offensive To My Life .

EMOTIONAL PARRING .

(Face-BookTillus Chat-Tillus)

Infectious Diseases Control : Hazard Level 6

World Health Organisation Catogory : THREE

Immediate Quarentine Of Infectious Person(s)

Symptoms :

Start By A Dead Out 'Hi', On The Host That Is Face-BookTillus Chat-Tillus .

Patients Of Emotional Parring Have Recalled The Overwhelming Feeling Of Akwardness And The Sudden Urge To Utter, 'SWEARDOWN', 'OH MY DAYS' And 'AIRTIME' .

In Mild Cases Patients Utter The Term 'RASSCLART' .

The Diagnosis For This Is Simply 'YARDIE' . This Can Easily Be Treated By The Medicine 'NURISHMENT' .

(To Be Ingested)

Avalible In All Good BRIXTON Off Licences .

In More Serious Cases :

Emotional Parring Patients Have Recalled Subjects As 'Going Offline Completely' . I'm Afraid The Prognosis For Emotion Parring In It's Advanced Stages Such As One Becoming 'Offline Completely' .

Will Prove To Be Fatal .

The Treatment :

To Avoid Emotional Parring Protect Yourself Against

'Face-BookTillus Chat-Tillus' . By Completely Ignoring The Subject .

Should The Subject Persist And Try To Break Down The Hearts Immune System By Direct Contact Via 'Face-BookTillus Chat-Tillus' .

LOG OUT IMMEDIATELY !

(And Get The Dirt Off Ones Shoulder And Wash Your Hands Immediately)

This Has Been A :

PUBLIC PAR WARNING BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE :

(UNOFFICIAL NHS . Not Looking To Get Sued . AT ALL)

END .

CHERYL COLE 2.0

Cheryl Cole Got A 2.0

(It's Only Because I Got Some Next Massive Brainwave At 4:17 In The Morning)

Besides The Point .

I'm Asking You Space Invader Crew .

'When Did You Clock CHERYL COLE Is In Actual Fact A Black Girl Named KEISHA Trapped Inside Of Cheryl's Body ?!'

Not Boasting Or Anything But I Clocked From . . .

I Bet You Clocked From . . .

YOUR LAAAAAAAAAATE .

BLUEY ROBINSON .

This Blog Has Been LONG OVERDUE .

WORLD . . .

Girls Of A Pre Adolescent Nervous Disposition 'Dash Weh' Your JLS Promise Rings And Let Me Introduce You To BLUEY ROBINSON . . .

When I Tell You Your NOT Actually Ready For This Guy .

PLEASE BELIEVE ME .

Fuck 2010 .

Bluey Is DEFINITELY One To Watch NOW NOW NOW .

Google Him . YouTube Him . Twitter Him .

Or The Combination Of All Three .

(Well No Don't . STALKER)

This Guy Is Actually Amazing . Choong Too . . .

So Without Further A Due Let Me Introduce You To The Musical Offerings To The Tune Of :

Mr . Bluey Robinson

TABLE FOR ONE MISS ?!

Let's Face It .

Rollin' To Nandos On your Ones . When Everyones In Two's Is Embaressing .

Being On A Date Is Embaressing .

The Whole Resturant Knowing Your On A Date Is PAR .

(But That's Besides The Point)

'Table For One Miss ?!'

Umm . . . Yeah .

'Walk This Way Please . . . '

Question Nandos .

There's Plenty Of Seats In And Around, Up And Down The Resturant .

WHY THE FUCK Do You Lead Me To The Window Seat In FULL VIEW Of The Passing Public That Can See Me Eating On My Lonesome .

Why . Just Why Do You Do That ?!

Surely I've Not Been Humiliated Enough Already ?!

Being Pitied By Several Dozen People 'Just Passing' The Window While I Eat Is A

PAR Within A Par Within A Par .

'Shall I Go Sit With Her .'

Fuck NO . Your Butterz .

I Don't Need Your Charity .

I Came For Lunch . . . Not To Be Caught Slippin' By Just Sitting With You .

I Guarantee You Some How Find Out My Credentials And Then Miraculously

Add Me On Facebook Later .

Writing On MY WALL About :

'We Should Do That Again . '

. . . BLUD ARE YOU NUTS ?!

1) I Don't Know You So Consider That Your First And Last Wall Post . DELETE .

2) I'll Always Be That Girl Who Sat By Herself In Nandos To You .

3) I'm No Oil Painting But When I Say Your BUTTERZ . Pleaese Believe Me And Find Another Girl Dumb Enough For You To Sit With Them And :

Leave Me The Fuck Alone .

Are We Good ?! FAAAAARKIN' MARVELLOUS !

So Basically The Moral Of The Story Is Don't Sit By Yourself In NANDOS Because You WILL Gain A Stalker That Looked A Lil' Like This Guy . . .

(Never Trust Any Guy That Looks Like This Guy . . . Animal Lion Thing)

GET ME .

DIZZEE RASCAL .

Can We Just Pause And Have A Long Blogs Space For The Guy That Is

DIZZEE RASCAL . . .

DYLAN MILLS .

Boy In Da Corner :

Will Always Be The Album That Sparked My

'I Don't Give A Fuck' Attitude .
'Fix Up, Look Sharp' Will Always Be The Phrased I Parred Many People With .
I LUV U Will Always Be A HOES Anthem .
Jezebel Will Always Be A JEZEBELS Anthem .
Jus' A Rascal Will Still Hype A Rave And Earn Me An

'Accidental'

Punch In The Face .

Basically Mr . Rascal . . . DYLAN .

I .
And My Fellow Hoodies/ASBOs/Rudeboys/Indie Guys-Trying-To-Be-Urban-By-Listening-To-Dizzee-Rascal-And-Saying-Things-Like-BUFF-And-'Jack Jones .'

SALUTE YOU .

'I'm Old Skool Like Happy Shopper' BAAAAAAAAAAARS !



'You Got A Body To Die For Let Me Merk It .'

Anyday Dylan . Anyday . . .

MOIST CREW NEED LOVE TOO ♥

YES .

I'm About To Pimp Out My Crew .
They'll Love It . . .

Christmas And All That Soon .

I'm Already Forgiven .

It's Autumn/Winter Time

There BUFF And Single .

So Boys/Girls . . .

Round Up . . . Round Up .

Choong People For SAAAALE !

1st Up . . .

Everybody's Favourite Straight Talking/Bashment Lovin'/Lemon And Herb Eating GAY .

Paulo Gouveia . . .

PEOPLE PAULO . PAULO PEOPLE .
(He Says Wha Gwarn Fam . He's Ghetto Oh Don't Cha Know)

Man Eats Lemon And Herb NANDOS .

He Definately Needs That Spice In His Life/Chicken .

But We're Not Here To Talk About Paulo Needing Heat In His Chicken .

However Rude That Sounds

'L-O-L' And Let's Move On . . .

Basically Paulo Wants One Of These . . .

Aston Merrygold From That Band JLS .

BUT If Astons Are Out Of Stock This Season .

Which I'm Sure They Are, Can't Find These Anywhere Not Even Ebay .

PAULO Will Settle For The Dagger Man That Is . . .

Vybz Kartel .

Yeah .

I Don't Know Who'd Want One Of These .

There On SALE For A Reason . . .

They Come With Some Next Piece Of Health Warning .

Handle With Caution . . . Romping Shop Included .

NO REFUND .

The Paulo Quote :

'So like it seems that soon after i start talking to & start to get to know any guy he gets a bf.... God clearly wants me to stay single....'

Aww . CUTE . Worry Not Pow . Nay Will Help Her Favourite Gay Out . . .

So Boys . . .

Choong Ones .

If Your Butterz But You Have A Buff Personality GWAAARN .

We Accept Those Too .

And Remember PAULO Is For Life .

Not Just For Autumn/Winter . Love Him . Feed Him . Never Leave Him . . .

Dagger Him Too . He Likes That .

Next Up . . .

The Delightful Blonde/Ditzy/Ballerina/Green Tea Drinker/Clutch Bag Holding Legend .

That Is . . .

Ieva Adomaviciute .

IEVA PEOPLE . PEOPLE IEVA .

(Give Her A Minute . . . Or Two And She'll Acknowledge Your Exsistance 'You Love It Yh' See How She Misses Out The 'EA' . Sexy Alie ?!)

I'm Sure Ieva Would Be Happy With Just This . . .

And This . . .

(Boys Keep Up . It's A CLUTCH BAG . Ieva And A Clutch Bag Are Like Well I Dunno . But Just Know You'll Probably Have To Hold It While She 'Skanks' One Day)

Shaped Like A Man .

However . . .

She DEFINATELY Wants One Of These . . .

Fuck It . I Want One Of Them Too .

Oh And She Wants One Of These . . .

(Look Here's Simeon AGAIN He's Oh So Close To Getting A 2.0)

But Nah Ievz Your Bare Greedy Doe Still Bruv .

She Shops In La Senza Too . Sexy . Sexy So You'll Always Be In For A Treat .

Ain't No Bridget Jones Out 'Ere . . .

Strictly . . .

BAAARE COOCH In My Blog NO HOMO . . . Knicker Models Are Suppose To Come Included With A Cooch Obviously . Don't Stare At It Too Long Though . I Had To . For Blog Purposes . Never Mind Just Actually Dead It . . . NOW

Let's Go To The Ieva Quote :

'sad face sad face .. hm , why cant a different picture on twitter??????????'

. . . Yeah . I Dunno What She's On Either .

So If Your On It 079 Her . Or Just Bring Her Green Tea . . . Or A Clutch Bag .

RIVER ISLAND Do Nice Ones .

GET ME .

And Last But Definately Not Least . . .

Lamara Forder .

LAMMY PEOPLE . PEOPLE LAMMY .

(FARMVILLE Enthusiast Level 3446962.5 BLOOP !)

It's Lammy Baby .

Let's Get Down To The Bizzle .

Basically Boys If You Know What's Good For You'd Be A Bit Like This Guy . . .

Bluey Robinson

(Blog Soon Come Babes)

And Maybe A Bit Of Maturity Wouldn't Go A Miss Like . . .

Old Man Swag . Still Get It Daily Though Oh My Days .

Oh And You Must Be Able To Shower Lamz With These . . .

Lam Is Uber Funky And Brings The Swagger And The Sexy .

(So YOU Potential Boyfriend Should Too)

Oh And Never Ending Bracelets/Chains/Bangles/Sunglasses/Scarves ETC . . .

(Keep Up Boys . . . You Obviously Get Them From Here)

And One Of These Might Come In Handy :

Man Like You Don't Know About Lamz .

She'll Draw Out The Complex Words Fam .

SHET !

Then After A Few Of These . . .

She'll Pretty Much Do Whatever You Want Her To Do .

The Lammy Quote :

'Fuck Street Fighter... I'm Sleep Fighter!'

. . . Sweardown ?!

GET ME .

So Potential Boyfriends . . .

You Got The Low Down On The Bredrinos .

So What Are You Still Reading This For ?! Go Fourth And Seek The Moist Crew .

Like Now !

(Maybe I Could Put Your 079's Here . . . Just A Thought)


Yes . I Am A Moist Crew Member .

NO . Pimps Cannot Be Pimped Out .

Get Me Blud .

I Leave You With This . . .